Principles

1. Understand context of use

2. Choose what to say

3. Slash everything else

4. Edit sentences

5. Put into logical order

6. Demolish walls of words

7. Choose links

8. Check consistency

9. Rest it then test it

4. Edit sentences

Rework your sentences to use words that your users know, in ways that are clear to them.

Be active

The passive voice conceals who does what.

Example, passive voice: "the change was made".

Who made the change?

The active voice makes it explicit: "He made the change".

Revealing who does what makes it easier to understand the sentence. And readers generally prefer active sentences.

If you're not sure about about actives and passives, then try Purdue University's explanation of active and passive voice.

Use action verbs, not nouns that hide verbs

Many nouns in English come from verbs.

Examples: refusal come from to refuse; disclosure comes from to disclose. So you can 'make a decision' instead of 'decide'.

Turning the nouns back into verbs will make your writing clearer.

Be positive

To understand a negative sentence, you have to swap it around in your head. If it's got a second negative, you have to do two swaps. More negatives, more swaps, more likely to be misunderstood.

Avoid whiz-deletions

In English, we can cut out some of the linking words such as "which is" or "that". The problem is that you conceal the structure of the sentence. Put them back in.

"They" is OK

In formal English we still have to use 'he or she'. On the web, it's OK to use 'they' instead.

Example: Anyone can use the web for their shopping.

Use personal pronouns or name the actors

There is an explanation of personal pronouns here. The actor in a sentence is whoever or whatever is performing the action.

Bad example

A visa may not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted to show that the person will be able to proceed to the United States.

 

Why is it bad?

We don't know who will grant the visa or who will submit the evidence.

 

Example with personal pronouns

We will not grant a visa until you submit satisfactory evidence that you will be able to proceed to the United States.

 

Example with named actors

The embassy will not grant a visa until the applicant submits satisfactory evidence that they will be able to proceed to the United States.

 

Unstring noun strings

Noun strings are sequence of nouns (with an occasional adjective) in which the first nouns act as adjectives to modify later nouns. The more words in the sequence, the harder they are to understand (especially for people who speak English as a foreign language).

Bad example

The order confirmation e-mail is your receipt that can be printed for your records.

 

Why is it bad?

You have to chop up 'order confirmation e-mail' in your head in order to understand it.

 

Example with the noun string removed

The email with your order confirmation is your receipt that can be printed for your records

 

Example sorted out

We will send you an email with confirmation of your order. Please print the email if you want a receipt.

No woolly words

Woolly words are vague ones like "some", "most" and "should". If you want to be vague, use them. If you want to be precise, cut them out.

Bad example

A caseworker should write a report when a person is injured in the incident.

 

Why is it bad?

Does the caseworker have to write the report, or is it optional?

 

Example without the woolly word

A caseworker must write a report when a person is injured in the incident.

Example sorted out (see Principle 5 - put into logcial order)

If a person is injured in the incident, then a caseworker must write a report.

Tips and cautions

Sometimes you deliberately want to conceal the 'actor' in a sentence, or the actor is unimportant. If so, you can put the sentence back into the passive voice. But try putting it in the active voice first so that you are sure the passive is definitely better.