Techniques

5. Edit sentences

Turn your writing into a conversation with your reader.

Let's start with an example:: A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted to show that the person will be able to proceed to the United States.

Talk to "you"

When we read, it's easier for us to find our place in the sentences if we find a 'you'.

Example written to 'you':: A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted to show that you will be able to proceed to the United States.

Show who does what by using "active voice"

When a sentance says who does what, we say that it is in the "active voice".

Example that's active:: We will not grant a visa until you submit satisfactory evidence that you will be able to proceed to the United States.
Example that's passive:: A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted to show that that you will be able to proceed to the United States.

If you can't write 'we' then say exactly who does what

Some organisations won't let you write as 'we' and 'us'. Don't hide behind passive voice. Spell out who does what.

Example that says who does what:: The embassy will not grant a visa until you submit satisfactory evidence that you will be able to proceed to the United States.

Do not "should" on your readers

The example started with "A visa should not be granted until". The word "should" is extra confusing. Some people think it means 'must', others think it means 'may'.

Go through your sentences to remove "should". You'll have to find out whether 'must' or 'may' is correct.

Use familiar words in familiar ways

Let's try a different example: "required fields". If you design web forms, that probably means "questions on the page". If you're a farmer, you may struggle to know how 'required' fits with a place where sheep graze.

Tip: Try active voice first

Sometimes you deliberately want to conceal the 'actor' in a sentence, or the actor is unimportant. If so, you can put the sentence back into the passive voice. But try putting it in the active voice first so that you are sure the passive is definitely better.

Where to find out more

If you're not sure about actives and passives, then try

Use active voice on Plainlanguage.gov.
Active and passive voice in Purdue University's Online Writing Lab.
How to use active voice on BBC Bitesize.

Ginny Redish's book

chapter 10: Tuning up your sentences