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Techniques
1. Decide on who and why
2. Get to know the content
3. Put the best bit first
4. Slash everything else
5. Edit sentences
6. Put "if" before "then"
7. Demolish walls of words
8. Launch and land on the same name
9. Rest it then test it
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5. Edit sentences
Turn your writing into a conversation with your reader.
- Let's start with an example:
- A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted
to show that the person will be able to proceed to the United States.
Talk to "you"
When we read, it's easier for us to find our place in the sentences
if we find a 'you'.
- Example written to 'you':
- A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted
to show that you will be able to proceed to the United States.
Show who does what by using "active voice"
When a sentance says who does what, we say that it is in the "active voice".
- Example that's active:
- We will not grant a visa until you
submit satisfactory evidence that you will be able
to proceed to the United States.
- Example that's passive:
- A visa should not be granted until satisfactory evidence is submitted to show that that you will be able
to proceed to the United States.
If you can't write 'we' then say exactly who does what
Some organisations won't let you write as 'we' and 'us'. Don't hide
behind passive voice. Spell out who does what.
- Example that says who does what:
- The embassy will not grant a visa until you
submit satisfactory evidence that you will be able
to proceed to the United States.
Kill "should"
The example started with "A visa should not be granted until". The word "should" is extra confusing. Some people think it means 'must', others think it means 'may'.
Go through your sentences to kill "should". You'll have to find out whether 'must' or 'may' is correct.
Use familiar words in familiar ways
Let's try a different example: "required fields". If you
design web forms, that probably means "questions on the page".
If you're a farmer, you may struggle to know how 'required' fits with
a place where sheep graze.
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Tip: Try active voice first
Sometimes you deliberately want to conceal the 'actor'
in a sentence, or the actor is unimportant. If so, you can put the sentence
back into the passive voice. But try putting it in the active voice
first so that you are sure the passive is definitely better.
Where to find out more
If you're not sure about actives and passives, then
try
Ginny
Redish's book
chapter 10: Tuning up your sentences
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